


More Than a Picture in a Magazine

by emperorpenguin (dortmundbvbbabe)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Not Hockey Player(s), Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-08-29 03:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8474182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dortmundbvbbabe/pseuds/emperorpenguin
Summary: In 2016, Carl Hagelin is walking the runways of Europe, busy being one of the most popular and recognized male models in the world. Across the world in Wisconsin, Phil Kessel is a photographer, having moved back home after university. It might seem that these two have nothing in common, but in the not so distant past, they were roommates and at one point lovers because before Carl Hagelin was the world's, he was Phil's.





	1. GQ October 2016

_ When Carl Hagelin sat down across from me, I could sense a change in the room. Arriving fashionably early- five minutes before the reservation time, he looked as though he had made a stop after walking at Paris Fashion Week. Perhaps the glances that were sent to our table were out of recognition, in the same way that people can recognize a face from a television show, but forget the name all the same. Or, perhaps they are just admiring Hagelin up close.  _

_ “It’s all a bit bizarre, I suppose,” Carl said between bites, “I always prefered being behind the camera rather than in front of it, amateurly, of course, but I never thought that this would go on for so long.” _

_ I asked him what he thought he’d be doing. He just shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve always been envious of those people that knew who they wanted to be and where they wanted to be in the future. I mean, I started off, like most Swedish boys, playing hockey and I guess that that was always a possibility, but I think I could be happy anywhere doing anything, just in the right circumstances and with the right people.” _

_ I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a ‘right person’ in Carl’s life, but he smiled shyly and diverted the conversation. It’s unsurprising, perhaps, that he’d be so reserved about his personal life. For as visible as Carl is, little is known about the Swede’s personal life. The lunch dissolved into a friendly conversation and it was as though all the rumors about Carl were true. He was the ultimate gentleman, well-read, and equal parts intellectual and conversationalist. Any mother would be happy to have him introduced as their daughter’s boyfriend.  _

_ “It’s funny though,” Carl said, with the slightest hint of bitterness in his tone. For the first time since we sat down, his attention is diverted. He looked out the window and put his napkin on the table. “None of this is real, it’s just a fad and one day I won’t be the look of the day and I’ll just be a has-been. Perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned is that looks don’t really matter.” Then Carl returned to the conversation, “But then again, my face has paid the bills lately so I suppose I can’t really say that.”  _

_ That was the most interesting part of the conversation. I had hoped through this interview that I would grow to learn more about Carl Hagelin, the man in everyone’s magazines, but instead, he just became more of an enigma.  _

  
  


 

  * __GQ October 2016__



 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Bozie isn't the nicest in this fic... sorry.

Phil jiggled with his key in the door of his apartment. It wasn’t the time for it to get jammed. He knew that he was a little behind on paying the rent and for the most part, the landlord had been sympathetic knowing that Phil would eventually finish paying every last cent that he owed, but after a few months of this,

Phil knew he should downgrade. The apartment was too large for his and Stella’s needs and he could easily make do with a one-bedroom or studio apartment. The truth was though, for as painful as it was for him to continue living here, it was even more painful for Phil to imagine leaving. The apartment was wallpapered with memories of him and Bozie together, but Phil just couldn’t stand to part with them.

 

“Phil, oh good, I was hoping to catch you,” a voice said from behind just as he was able to get the door open.

“I know, I’m behind on the rent, I’m sorry, but I’ll have it to you by the end of this week, next week tops.”  
She sighed, “Phil, I like you, but I can’t keep making exceptions for you.”  
“I know, I know, and I’m really trying.”  
“I know you are, but it was a lot easier when you had Bozie here to help pay the rent.”  
Phil still stiffened when he heard Bozie’s name again, even in the months after he’d moved out, Phil still had not adjusted to life without him. Instead, the Bozie shaped void was even more apparent now when he’d return home to Stella’s anxious greeting while she waited to be let outside.

“I don’t want to evict you Phil, but you can’t keep doing this.”

“I know, I’m trying to work something out.”

“Well, I might have a solution,” Ms. Henderson said. Unless it was lowering his monthly rent, Phil was not inclined to listen. “A friend of a friend’s son is moving to Pittsburgh and needs a place to stay, preferably with a roommate.”  
“No,” Phil said automatically.

“He’s around your age, very polite, nice, young man,” she continued.

“I’m really not interested,” Phil said trying to politely brush her off.

“I’ll lower your rent by $50.”

“100,” Phil said, figuring he could probably haggle his way down to $900 and then splitting the cost would more than half what he was paying right now for the room.

$75.”

“Fine, but tell him to stay out of my way.”

“You’ll love him, Phil.”

“I doubt it,” Phil grumbled as he entered his apartment. The sole consolation of all this was that his bank account would be a little heftier in a few months.

Phil was not excited to meet his new roommate. He’d gotten a name in the past week: Carl Hagelin. Sometimes he wondered who this Carl Hagelin was going to be. He hoped that he would have outgrown his drinking and partying phase, because for as much as Phil liked a good party and a good beer, he never liked the mess that always seemed to follow. He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t go out of his way to change his apartment. Carl was the one intruding and he would have to adjust. Nevertheless, he’d cleaned up the living room a little and decided to give him the guest room. Phil had considered letting Carl take his and Bozie’s bedroom to allow Phil to change rooms, but he didn’t know Carl. Logically he knew that this was for the best. He’d be able to spend less time working at the bar in an attempt to defray the rent that was all his burden now. Bozie had paid his share the first few months after he’d left but he’d stopped sending the money after Phil had stopped cashing his checks.

 

Phil has two classes on the day that Carl is scheduled to arrive, though he plans on stopping back home in the middle of the day to check on Stella and see if Carl had arrived. He sat in his Intermediate Drawing class at 6:45 and he couldn’t help but wonder if Carl is there. If Stella doesn’t like him then Phil doesn’t think that it will work out well.

His notes for the day were sparse and he knows that he’ll either have to stop by office hours or copy the notes from one of his friends in the class. He isn’t sure if he’s ready to meet Carl but maybe this is a situation much like pulling off a Bandaid. He climbs the stairs in his building and notices the door to his apartment is open. Phil’s living room is in a current state of disarray and there are bags strewn across the floor.

Carl is standing there in tight jeans and loose henley and even from the side, Phil can see how attractive Carl is. He’s holding Stella in his arms and to be honest Phil doesn’t know how he feels about it. His fears of Stella not liking him abated as she didn’t hesitate to lick Carl’s face.

“Hey,” Phil said and for the first time, Carl seemed to notice that he was there. He gently put Stella on the ground who then turned to Phil as if to see if he was sharing in her excitement.

“Hi, I’m Carl,” Carl said as he stretched out his hand to greet Phil.

“Phil,” Phil said.

“Thanks for letting me stay here I really-”

“It’s fine,” Phil cut him off, not wanting to hear any more thanks especially when he was only doing this for the cut in rent. “Is this all your stuff?”

“Yeah,” Carl said.

“Okay, so you’ve probably seen everything, but that’s your room, rent’s 400 a month including wi-fi, the elevator’s broken half the time so just use the stairs, we share a mailbox downstairs but I’ll be sure to give you your mail if I accidentally pick anything up. And this is Stella.”

“Okay,” Carl said.

“Um, if you have any questions feel free to ask me, I’m gone most of the day at school, but I’m home most evenings.”  
“You’re a student?”

“Yeah, arts,” Phil said awkwardly.

“Cool,” Carl replied.

“Well, goodnight, then,” Phil said before heading to his room.

“Goodnight,” Carl replied.

Phil relaxed against the closed door of his bedroom and sighed. He’d forgotten what it was like to have life in the apartment again and he was once again reminded how much he missed Bozie.  


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who had commented with really lovely responses. Since I deleted the author's note, I didn't get to comment on them individually, but I wanted to thank everyone truly for the encouragement to continue.
> 
> Since it's been a while since the last update I strongly encourage re-reading from the beginning because I changed a few small details to make the plot flow better.  
> *Phil is now a visual arts major.

Phil made sure to get out of the apartment early enough and return late enough that he was unlikely to run into Carl. He wasn’t avoiding him, or at least that’s what he’d tell himself. Carl seemed fine, but Phil resented the fact that he’d been pushed into having a roommate. He hadn’t really recovered from living with Bozie, and there was a reason that he hadn’t been seeking a roommate.

He’d gotten too accustomed to the silence of being in an apartment with just Stella, and despite the largeness of the apartment for just the two of them, Phil couldn’t bear to leave it.

“Phil, can you stick around after class?” Professor Babcock asked. Phil lingered in the art room while the other students gathered their supplies and filtered out. Babcock held Phil’s third photography assignment in his hand. 

“This is unacceptable, Phil.”

Phil’s heart sank. The assignment had been to take a series of portraits of a single live subject in black and white and so Phil had chosen Stella. 

“These were cute, but Phil, these are photos that my niece could take on her iPhone.”

Phil’s face burned in embarrassment, “I’m sorry, I thought-”

“C’mon, Phil, I had higher expectations for you. Your professor last year even showed me part of your final portfolio and told me that I was in for a real treat. I was so excited to have you and you’re giving me dog pictures?”

“I don’t really know what to say,” Phil said.

“Yeah, I don’t either,” Babcock said. “It’s just disappointing.”

Phil knew the photos that Babcock had been referring to. Phil’s portfolio had consisted almost entirely of photos of Bozie. Back then, Phil had always had a camera ready in the house. At first, Tyler had protested when Phil had caught him off guard taking pictures at inopportune moments. 

_ “I wasn’t ready…” Tyler complained as he straightened up in the kitchen. _

_ “It’s fine,” Phil said, hoping that the picture would develop as well as he hoped.  _

_ “Don’t you want me to look at you when you’re taking a picture?” Tyler asked. _

_ “Nah,” Phil said. “Those always look too rehearsed.” _

_ “So what? You’re just taking pictures of me cooking? Getting a good view of my back?” Tyler asked. _

_ Phil set the camera down on the table and walked up behind Bozie. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and kissed his shoulder as he strained to look at the food. Bozie was stirring a big pot of soup, some Ukrainian thing that Phil didn’t remember the name of. _

_ “You know that’s my favorite part,” Phil said as his hand slid down Tyler’s back. _

_ “More like my ass,” Tyler replied.  _

_ “That too.” _

“I’m sorry,” Phil said as he blinked away the memory. 

“I’ll let you redo this Phil, but find some of that magic again that you had last year, because this, even though it’s a cute dog, isn’t good work.”

“Okay,” Phil said. He was relieved that Babcock was giving him a second chance, but he didn’t know what to do. The pictures of Stella were fine, cute even, but they weren’t his best work. He didn’t want to be known as a dog photographer for the rest of his life. 

Shame and guilt overwhelmed him as he walked back to the apartment. He knew that for as nice and understanding as Babcock was, a breakup wouldn’t be sufficient to explain the change in his art. The thing was, other artists had had breakups and they hadn’t been affected this way. Hell, some of his own classmates had had breakups and their studies hadn’t been affected either, but they hadn’t had a Bozie. 

Frankly, Phil just wanted to cuddle up with Stella and put the rest of the day in the back of his mind. He opened his apartment and threw the portfolio and sighed. Stella greeted him as usual and he picked her up and sat with her on the couch. He gently pet her fur and buried his face into it. She was the sole reminder of Bozie that wasn’t completely painful for Phil.

“Hey,” a voice said. 

Phil sat up and turned towards the voice. “Oh hey, Carl.”

“How was your day?” Carl asked.

“Fine,” Phil sighed. “How was yours?”

“Good, I just had one class today and then just had to work for a little bit.”

“Huh…” Phil said. 

“Are these yours?” Carl asked as he walked towards the table. He picked up the portfolio and flipped through the first couple of pages. 

“Uh, yeah...” Phil said. He put Stella back on the floor and headed to the table. “It was my last assignment actually.”

“These are really good,” Carl said.

“Uh, thanks, I have to redo them though,” Phil said.

“What?” 

“Yeah, they just aren’t cutting it,” Phil said.

“Why?”

Phil just shrugged not wanting to delve into details. “They just weren’t good enough.”

“I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I think they’re pretty fantastic,” Carl said. 

Phil just smiled grimly and briefly thanked Carl.

“So, want to grab dinner?” Carl asked.

“What?” 

“Or we could cook, but it didn’t seem like there was much in the refrigerator,” Carl said.

“Why?” Phil asked.

“Well, I’m assuming you’re hungry. Honestly, I’m starving-”

Phil rubbed the fatigue from his face and cut Carl off, “Look, it sounds really good, but I’m tired, it’s been a long day and frankly, I just kind of really want to be alone right now.”

Phil’s heart sank when he looked at Carl’s chagrined face.

“Right, I understand, some other time then,” Carl forced a smile and grabbed his leather jacket. 

Phil sighed as he watched Carl leave, feeling like the biggest jerk on the planet. It wasn’t Carl’s fault, Carl had been nice and friendly since he’d arrived. But Phil hadn’t invited Carl in, he didn’t know Carl and he hadn’t wanted someone to move in in Bozie’s place and now, with Carl there, he felt like a stranger in his own apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

_ TMZ May 2017 _

_ There was an interesting encounter between model Carl Hagelin and photographers at LAX yesterday. Hagelin was returning to the US after spending time in his native Sweden and was greeted not only by the paparazzi, but also by fans waiting his return. _

_ “Are you dating Oliver?” A fan asked as Hagelin stopped to sign a cell phone. Oliver is Oliver Ekman-Larsson, the Swedish fashion designer for whom Hagelin has done several seasonal campaigns. Hagelin just smiled coyly, but didn’t comment or deny the rumor.  _

_ Hagelin’s personal life has long been a source of curiosity and speculation. Though he has never publicly commented on his orientation or any sort of relationship, he’s been linked to a variety of Scandinavian male models and fashion designers, Ekman-Larsson included. He has previously been linked to Norwegian Mats Zuccarello and most recently Swedish model Henrik Lundqvist also neither have confirmed either.  _

_ While we don’t know if Hagelin, himself is gay, we do know that he supports LGBT rights both in his native Sweden and in the United States. He’s been spotted attending several pride parades and voiced his support of fellow Swede William Nylander, when he publicly came out with his longtime partner earlier this year. Whether there is any truth to the speculation, we don’t know, but one thing is for certain, Hagelin is very private about his personal life.  _


	5. Chapter 5

Phil suppressed the guilt that he felt after rejecting Carl’s invitation to dinner. It was within his right to say ‘no’, right? And it wasn’t like he’d rejected Carl outright, it just wasn’t a good time. Of course, he just felt worse now that he didn’t really see Carl at home. He didn’t really know what to do about that since Carl seemed to now take the liberty of being away when Phil was home.

Phil sighed. This wasn’t easy. Art had always been easy for him. Taking photos had been easy for him, but people, people were never easy. But for a while, that had been okay, because he wasn’t alone. He’d had Bozie and that made it easier because Bozie took him places and introduced him to people and Phil wasn’t alone. Phil went along with things and suddenly he didn’t feel like such a misfit. 

He knew that none of this was Carl’s fault, but it was another thing to admit that it was his own fault. Carl had just needed a place to stay and Phil needed someone to help pay the rent. It was the ideal scenario, but it just wasn’t working out because Carl wasn’t Bozie. 

Being a visual arts major, most of the people Phil met and took classes with were colorful, and not that there was anything wrong with it, but Phil didn’t quite fit in with him. He was the quintessential Wisconsin boy who loved beer, football, and hockey. There were other students in his classes who would go to games, but they were usually dragged along by friends and went for the company and not for actual interest. And their art was usually different than Phil’s. They were avant-garde, unafraid to take risks and Phil was more of a traditional artist. It was safe, but that was the problem. 

He was still trying to figure out where exactly Carl fit into his life when he got a text from one of his old friends. Dion had been more of Bozie’s friend before he had become Phil’s. He’d graduated last year, being a little older than Phil himself and had texted to let Phil know that’d he’d be back on campus at some frat party later. 

Phil knew that there was some sort of open invitation there if Phil wanted to join. But Dion never pushed and Phil appreciated it. He knew he’d end up going to the party anyways. It was a Friday night and he’d have nothing to do after taking Stella out for a walk. It’d be good anyways to get over the stress of the week and Babcock’s rejection of his portfolio with some drinks. So as planned, he spent some time with Stella before heading over to the frat house where Dion had lived his sophomore year.

He was dressed casually for the party when he arrived. There was already a small crowd on the first floor of the frat house. Phil grabbed one of the Solo cups filled with beer and started drinking off to the side.

Dion was in the middle of things, but made eye contact with Phil and started to head over to say hello.

“Aren’t you too old to be at college parties?” Phil asked in greeting. 

“Maybe in a few years, but I’m just catching up with old friends,” Dion said. Phil rolled his eyes knowing full well that Dion missed the college atmosphere. “How are you?”

Phil shrugged, “You know…”

“Seeing anyone?” Dion asked with his familiar frankness.

“Nah… but I have a new roommate,” Phil said. 

They both turned to see the source of the commotion. A large, blond man had shouted in surprise at the beer pong table and Phil was surprised to see him turn to wrap Carl in a hug.

“That’s actually him,” Phil said as he nodded towards Carl.

“Hm...”

“What?” Phil asked, knowing that Dion wasn’t saying really what he thought.

“He’s interesting looking,” Dion said.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Phil asked.

“All I’m saying is, I have eyes,” Dion said.

Phil rolled his eyes. Carl has spotted Phil from across the room and he and his friend were walking over to them. “Uh, this is my roommate, Phil.”

“Hey,” the guy who’d been playing beer pong earlier greeted with a warm smile, “I’m Patric.”

Phil was a little surprised by the warmth in Patric’s greeting. He shook his hand and smiled, not motioning to introduce Dion so Dion took the liberty of introducing himself to both Carl and Patric. 

“I’m glad to finally meet Carl’s roommate,” Patric said.

Phil blushed knowing that he hasn’t been that good of a roommate to Carl, but appreciated the praise and the fact that Carl’s friends didn’t seem immediately against him. “It’s good to have a roommate again,” Phil muttered.

Dion just rolled his eyes, but agreed, “Stella gets more company than your sorry ass.”

“Hey, Stella loves me,” Phil protested, but Dion was always better at saying what Phil needed to say but didn’t. 

“Well, yeah, I just thought you two should be introduced,” Carl said. He and Patric headed away and Dion gave Phil a knowing look to Phil.

“Why do I get the feeling that you haven’t been the best roommate?” Dion asked.

“Probably ‘cause I haven’t been. But it’s hard, you know, with Bozie and stuff…”

“He’s not Bozie.”

“I didn’t want a roommate, you know,” Phil said, “It’s cheaper rent.”

“Well, he seems like a pretty damn good roommate…” Dion said.

"Yeah, he’s not Bozie though.”

“Fuck Bozie,” Dion said. “He isn’t here Phil, he’s not coming back, but you have a guy here who for all that I see wants to be your friend and you sure as hell could use a friend.”

“Fuck you.”

“Why? For telling you the truth? For saying what you already know? So what? He’s not Bozie, but it’d be better for you if your apartment wasn’t a fucking mausoleum to your relationship.”

“I didn’t come for this,” Phil said.

“But it’s what you needed to hear.” 

Phil just glared at Dion and chucked his cup in the makeshift garbage. “I’m heading out. See you later.”

He arrived home with his night curtailed by Dion. Worst part was even when he was sitting on the couch drinking a beer from his fridge, he knew that Dion was right. Nothing about this house had changed since Bozie left. The furniture was all in the same place, the photos were all the same, it was like Phil was waiting for Bozie to come back. He never would.

“Fuck,” Phil whispered and sighed. Stella curled up by his foot in solidarity. 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there with Dion’s words echoing through his head until the door opened up and Patric half carried/ half dragged Carl into the apartment. 

“This one’s had a little too much,” Patric said as he helped Carl to the couch. 

“I can see.”

“Just make sure he gets to bed, okay?” Patric asked. 

“Yeah.”

Carl grinned and waved in Patric’s general direction as he left. “You’re home… early.” Carl slurred. 

“Yeah,” Phil said. 

Words and sentences were becoming difficult for Carl so Phil grabbed a glass of water and forced him to drink it.

“I don’t need water,” Carl said.

“You’ll be glad you drank it later,” Phil replied.

Carl guzzled the water down like he was chugging a beer. “Happy?” 

“Very. Let’s just get you to bed,” Phil said. He guided Carl to his room, ensuring that he wouldn’t fall over before he lay on the bed. 

“See you in the morning,” Phil said. 

Carl was clearly hungover when he stumbled out of the bedroom still in his clothes from the previous night. He headed to grab a couple of Advils to stem the headache when he noticed Phil was sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hey,” Carl said.

“Morning,” Phil said. “So…”

Carl paused and turned to look at Phil. “Uh, I’m not sure if you were feeling up for it, but do you want to grab breakfast?” Phil asked. “I mean, I know you drank a lot so you’re probably not in the mood, but-”

“Phil, it’s fine. I’m fine, let me just get dressed, okay?” Carl said with a smile.

“Sure, sounds good.”


End file.
